Being.

Coffee. I have to much of it today at a café that played a lot of Beriut songs. I wrote, I read and tried to gather my thoughts. There are so many things on my mind at the moment and I can't really seem to get them straight.

I think writing helps with that, to have to put them on paper, or write an long e-mail for a friend.

So yesterday I wrote a way to long e-mail to a friend and today I wrote a couple of pages in my notebook. I feel a bit better after every time.

Being confused about life, about meaning and not wanting to be a part of all that is expected. Studying, working, consuming and so on is something I'm struggling with. I have so many wants and still I have no plans. I've done the studying, and I feel done. Or I could learn so much more, but is the thing about that the studies have to have a goal that bothers me. How about personal grows and knowing things that you actually care about, not things just because you have to get a job?

Why can't I just read "Jane Eyre" for a while and catch up on reading that I really enjoy without people just wondering what I do all day?

Well, I know, I know, I will run out of money in a while. But why is having and making money so impotent?

Sometimes I get so annoyed with all the expectations, people telling me I could do something with my talent, and that I have to live in the norm way of living.

Can't I just be for a second and try to figure things out as I go?